Been emailing Amy off and on all day and I need to keep y’all up to date, I know. But I am so emotional over this all that the best I can do is copy and paste and ask that if you can, if you are led to, spend some time on your knees for my oldest friend and her baby. I keep flashing back to our summer visit some 23 years ago.. young, innocent and so sure that the world was ours .. if we just worked hard enough for it. Amy is a true heart, and let me tell y’all, she has been handed some serious plates of poo in her life, but her faith has rarely wavered. Her love has never failed.. and she has always known God has a plan for her. I thought the hardest conversation we would ever have was the night I told her that our Eli had died. But this is so much harder. Amy and I share so many things… family dynamics, writing careers, love of seriously bad music, disabilities… I just want need her to not share the pain of losing this baby. Pray, my friends, please pray.

Here is a condensed version of our emails today:

Amy: I can’t do this.  I’m trying to write a birth plan.  I’m so scared Cece.  MMIH is still a possibility, can’t be ruled out until birth but all the soft markers by u/s are pointing that it’s not MMIH.  They are going to let me deliver in Boulder but we’re going to have a planned c-sec so #1 the neo nates are there, #2 I don’t blow my other implant out of my head pushing #3 prior placental abruption.  I need to address my communication needs, desires for birth and after care and also include comfort compassionate care wishes in case some is really wrong.  I just cannot wrap my brain around it.  I’m going over and over everything that went wrong and everything that went right when I had Whit.  I’m just sobbing thinking that maybe, just maybe we’ll be bringing home our baby girl.  I don’t care how she makes it into our arms.  Sorry, just having a rough go of it all.

Me:You want video to be permitted in the OR for Clay to record… just in case things dont go well so that you have that tangible memory of her birth.
You want the entire team (nurses especially) to be briefed on the possibilities so that everyone is kind and caring and knows why you are freaking out pre op.
You want a chaplain/priest on hand for baptism as soon as possible
You want Precious Memories to be on call in case
You want as little mind altering meds via IV as possible… so you can be as present as possible.
As soon as permitted, you want to nurse Moxie
You want footprints and hand/feet molds done (compassionate care should have them)
You want a private room that is big enough for two full size beds…. so if the kids want to sleep over they can (its been hard on them too and they need the people there to recognize that)
You want meals for Clay brought in so he doesnt have to leave if he doesn’t want to
You need to have a letter written for each nurse to read before she enters your room explaining the situation whether Moxie does super well or not

How is that for starters?

If you need me, I am here

Amy: It means so much that I can call on you during my darkest moments.  Thanks for the suggestions, I have most of them in our “what if” comfort care plan.  I never really thought much about the actual birth itself and had no idea I could do a birth plan with a c-section.  I’m going to work on it more later when I’m not so fried and can think clearly.  I have an 8 o;clock apt. for stress test & bio physical profile.  I have a feeling they may go ahead and take me.  I’ll be sure Clay keeps you posted.  Love you, A

SO it looks to me like they may keep her and Moxie may be here very very soon. Please pray y’all.. and if you have an suggestions let me know so I can pass them on.