Now, where were we?

I have a few friends that are woven so tightly into my soul and life story, that, no matter how much time has elapsed from our last conversation, we can pick right back up from where we left off and it’s as if no time or miles had ever passed. Since we all last spoke, many things have changed while I have been absent from this blog for many many months. I have missed my moments of quiet, tapping away at the keyboard sharing a glimpse into the crazy, pained, funny, often sad yet wonderful life I live with you. Quiet is a rare commodity here these days. Those of you that have stayed in contact via phone and/or Facebook know that on good days, I may have time to shave one leg and wash my hair.. sometimes only the front of the one lucky leg chosen.

I would complain about my lack of me time… if I had not experienced the painful blessings in the last few years. If I had not lost Eli, I would possibly see our new life as less of a blessing and more of a burden. If my mom had not suffered a stroke at 49 leaving me to bathe her, help her in the restroom and care for her needs, I would not have been prepared for the last 15 months. At all. But, the God that I was often not on speaking terms with… the God that I came to on my knees pleading for release from the clenches of grief and infertility… the God that at night when I was alone and feeling the deep empty wound that comes from infant loss – held my tears.. He knew. He was already there, in this chapter of our lives where we stand, as a family in awe of our journey and where it has led. God is IN the journey, isn’t he?

SO before I go any further.. and before I start blogging again regularly let me give you all a quick update or two:

We have moved out of the cold and repressed Midwest. We have put down roots in Gulfport, MS and are planting a church. A non-denominational – everyone.. EVERYone is welcome kinda church. Abby is in fine form and full of it as usual. The Teen is now 16 and still an amazing kid… I keep waiting for the teen “you are so lame” tude to kick in. Hubs is doing wonderfully and is still my rock and my much needed dose of common sense. Mom has great days and meh days. But, her great days still outweigh the meh. And… Sam. Let me introduce you to Sam.

(“Little Dude” who, while in foster care, could not be named or have ANY information shared past his doctors and case workers is now Sam. He was adopted by us on May 20th. And now, I don’t feel anxious about blogging. How does one write about their life when a huge part of it cannot be spoken of?)

 

Sam was born addicted. To everything. 3 pounds. Feeding tube. Apnea. Heart issues. Possible blindness. And with a terrible prognosis. All the doctors said that if he had been with any other family, he would not have survived to 3 months old. The same specialists said we would be lucky if he lived to see 6 months. That he would never know who we were, never crawl, walk, smile, truly live.

Well, Sam knows us. He may have some issues. Cerebral Palsy is a real possibility. Seizures weekly. And muscles so tight from 9 months of drug exposure that his legs are bent. So severely that the bones have actually twisted to accommodate the tension. There are nights of screaming where no one sleeps. There are days that consist of fits and total meltdowns. But, Sam knows us. He knows that he can count on parents that are patient and have unstoppable hope for him. Sam has always had the face of an old man… and in that face I can see that he knows that His Savior shaped his parents – through the grace that comes only from horribly painful trials- to rejoice in Him and in him. Just a few days ago, as we cleaned up from Tropical Storm Lee, Sam did something that most parents take for granted. I did too once upon a time. Sam took his very first steps, put his hands out and yelled with unabashed joy “Daddy!” 

Later that night, in a brief moment of quiet. I fell to my knees… and called out with unabashed joy “Daddy!”

 

A very close friend of mine was with me the day I met Sam in the NICU. She was there the day he became ours forever. She made this video for us… please enjoy meeting our son, Sam!

 

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